I forgot my name yesterday.
Overtired, over stressed and overwhelmed, it was just a brain blank moment but I've been having too many of those lately and I'm afraid if it continues I really will forget who I am. Who I am has been drowned out by the whispers and shouts of who I'm not. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not spiritual enough or pretty enough or graceful enough or tactful enough or friendly enough or serious enough or... I'm not enough.
Believe me, I know.
I sit in tears and wonder why God's placed me where I am when I'm so far from enough and all I want to do is run away, hide from the world in that Hobbit Hole with the well stocked larder and my books, and be alone with my not enoughness.
And then a song invades my heart. When I lose my way and I forget my name, remind me who I am... When I can't receive Your love, afraid I'll never be enough, remind me who I am. If I'm Your beloved, can You help me believe it? Tell me once again who I am to You, who I am to you. Tell me, lest I forget who I am to You, that I belong to You.
And the tears continue, but they turn to tears of wonder that somehow I am enough for Him. That I was enough for Him to love me and allow me to become His child through the ultimate sacrifice and the ultimate resurrection power. I am in awe. I don't understand it, I don't always feel it, but somewhere inside me I still know it. Through all my weakness and my failings and my doubt, I am His child.
And that's enough.